Ask Hazama
by DaFuglyDuckager
Summary: Got a question? Need advice? Some other bullshit he probably won't care about? Well, ask Hazama! Read the Health&Safety guidelines before using so no deaths or possible butthurts occur. Ignore the rating; you know with Hazama it's secretly rated 'M'.
1. Set 1

**Hazama and I are so alike it's not even funny. I am such a mean-ass cuntnugget bitch troll douche, and he's much, much worse. I will try my best, taking Trolling experiences from what I've committed, and even adding in some new. Enjoy.**

Basically ask Hazama anything you like! Send in your Q's and let him respond...just be wary of his cruelty!

**Hazama will respond on:**

-advice (whether it be for a task, love, etc.)

-general questions

-opinions

-anything else ending in a question mark

**So, what are you waiting for?**

**CAUTION:**

_Side affects from asking Hazama may include but are not limited to:_

-becoming butthurt

-locking yourself in your room for a long period of time

-falling into depression

-self-mutilation

-committing suicide

-finding out the truth that Izaya Orihara is an inferior troll compared to Terumi

-never getting laid

-''quitting'' the interwebs

-destroying all of your BlazBlue-related possessions

-contracting AIDs

-becoming a douche, but still maintaining a soft interior


	2. Set 2

**Moi:** "Hey, Hazama. You only got two ''fan'' messages. That's weak, bro."

No one actually uses letters anymore unless you're playing Animal Crossing, so he's given the password to the email-thingy.

* * *

><p>Sent in by <strong>Blankola<strong>.

_"Well great Trollzama being a troll such as yourself I wish to know how you got so good! Not for me really, my bro (crappy troll) lacks experience in the subject, sooooooo explain why u no suck at trolling!"_  
>~*~<p>

**Hazama:** "...What the hell was THAT supposed to be? Are you kissing ass, you cat? 'Oh, look at me, I'm a little Canadian boy who apparently JUST discovered the interwebs, how about I go kiss the greatest person of all time's ASS?' Grow UP, kid! You want to know how I got so good at...*chuckle*..well, being me? That's right. I avoided nerdy cats such as yourself."

_He clicks back, checking out the next one in line. You'd think he'd be unpleased with the lack of 'fan'mail...though his everlasting smile and Chinkeyes wouldn't show it._

* * *

><p>Sent in by <strong>Ioshua.<strong>

_"Hey Hazama! Want this troll booth, comes with a free hype dog."_  
>~*~<p>

_Upon reading the last word, his seemlingly perpetual smile soon turned, pouting._

**Hazama:** "Oh sure, sure, I'd trade this luxury office-mansion-penthouse, suiting to ALL my needs, no matter how...heh...'special',...and you think I'd trade this for a shitty booth you're offering me? That's so stupid I CAN'T even laugh...and, fuck your hype dog."

_He totally exits out of the question-thingy client and shooed the staff away as he wants his 'alone time to surf the interwebs'...who knows what he'll do._

* * *

><p><strong>I<strong>**:** "Actually, we know what he'll do!"  
><strong>U:<strong> "The options are listed below. Choose which one YOU think Hazama will be doing!"  
><strong>I:<strong> "If you get the right answer, you get a suprise~"  
><strong>I&amp;U:<strong> "So do it?~"

**Pick the one you think. Say the letter and the option next to it. If you don't then you will be FUCKING IGNORED. Also if you're lazy, just copypasta.**  
>Hazama will...:<br>**a)** Hack an account on Club Penguin (since it's oh-so-easy) and sexually confuse children 8-12.  
><strong>b)<strong> Find a bunch of newbies on a website forum, put on a friendly face but when he gains their trust, spam them with tinyurl leading them to shock sites.  
><strong>c)<strong> Go to a website/chatroom and post inflamatory content, wait until they ban him as he changes his IP address and gets back to work.  
>o<strong>r<strong>

**d)** But 10 of every Webkinz for an account, and find small children with only one pet as he says, "HAHAAHAHA! POOR KID! YOUR ACCOUNT WILL EXPIRE NEXT YEAR WHILE MINES WILL LIVE ON AFTER THE APOCALYPSE!"

**Thank you.**


End file.
